Saturday, September 03, 2005

There's No Flooding On The Mountaintop, or How Crazy Liberals Saved Me Money

Because I’m such a benevolent, compassionate soul, I did a little checking around to see what I, as one outcast god, could do to help the untenable situation down in Hurricane Country.

I stumbled across this site, which, in the spirit of pretentiousness, was set up to elicit donations to the Red Cross. A noble cause, wouldn’t you say?

In the comments section, however, the site’s true colors came out. Seems one poster, a Mr. Rick Blake, was very troubled that the current federal administration was not doing enough to help out all of the black people that are suffering. Let me remind you that 33% of the affected area is white, so Mr. Blake is really only concerned about 2/3 of the victims. His comments are too extensive (and convoluted) to post here, but you can click here to read about Bush, and FEMA, and how the bible all figures into the hurricane situation.

I’m not sure what bothers me more, that an idiot like that made such outrageous comments during a time of such widespread crisis, or that the site elected to archive those comments, even though they are petitioning their readers for donations to the world’s largest impartial charity.

What would the Red Cross would say if they knew that Ameriblog, the place to go on the Internet if you can’t get enough of the phrase, “Bush Sucks,” is the referring site from which I found the impassioned and racist, pleas? And that the driving force behind the solicitation is mandatemedia.com, a web developer run by two people named Carrie (only with different permutations of spelling) whose goal it is to make sure that Republicans are never again elected in this country for any position more advanced than School Crossing Guard. And I know that’s true because they describe themselves as “grassroots”, which means, “angry sandal-wearing protestors.”

Somehow I think the Red Cross’ principles of Neutrality and Impartiality have been lost on these political opportunists.

So, Mr. Blake, instead of lambasting the federal government, perhaps your time would be better spent petitioning wealthy black Americans to help rescue your suffering “Brothers and Sisters.” (Yes, he actually used that term). I call upon Oprah Winfrey, P “Puff Daddy” Diddy, Known Philanthropist Carmelo Anthony, Maya Angelou, The Oakland Raiders, That fat guy that owns the FUBU company, Jesse “Rainbow Coalition” Jackson, Al “Soul-Glo” Sharpton, Famed Rapper MC DJ Ice-T Wit a Twist a’ Lemon Dawg, Bruce S. Gordon from the NAACP, Slate Editor-At-Large Jack Shafer, Cartoonist Aaron McGruder, BET Billionaire Robert L. Johnson and any other African-American who has made more than $1 Million in the last year, to sell one or more of their private planes and give back to their community.

Needless to say, I wasn't exactly scrambling for the PayPal button at that point. White people, relax. Have another Soy Caramel Decaf Frappalotachino and go on watching NASCAR and golf; according to Mr. Blake, it’s not your concern. But if you still want to donate, keep this in mind (thanks Chuck Asay):


Bigoted Mortals

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