Sunday, January 15, 2006

Apathy For Entropy

It's not that there isn't anything exciting happening in the world; i'm just being lazy. Sure, there are plenty of events taking place that I could and should be commenting on, but I'd much rather while away the time cleaning out my closets or alphabetizing my spices. I guess there comes a time in every deity's life that he must attend to the mundane.

So I'll keep this short, so I can go back to the arduous task of throwing out the Chinese food leftovers that have taken up residence in my refrigerator. Speaking of uninvited guests, it seems that Ariel Sharon's recent stroke was actually a divine punishment from god, according to Pat Robinson, consummate nutcase, er, Christian fundamentalist. In asking around, I discovered that Mr. Sharon's stroke was actually retribution from Poseidon, not Yahweh, for failing to install a low-flow toilet in his college apartment.

Hmm...what else. Oh, right, Howard Stern is finally back on the air on Sirius satellite radio, disseminating his sophomoric brand of humor to the 11 people who actually pay $14 a month for an entertainment medium that even Touareg nomads get for free. Not only that, it seems that Mr. Stern will be getting $100 million dollars a year for five years from Sirius, a company whose stock dipped 6% on the day of Stern's return. I fondly remember those folks who made off-color jokes in public about retarded midget lesbians for mere pocket change-- they were called "crazy homeless people on the 6 train."

And on a more domestic front, Caesar Rodriguez was arrested this week in the beating death of his 7-year old step-daughter, Nixzmary Brown. I for one am shocked; could anyone have predicted any nefarious goings-on in a household consisting of a 27-year old woman named Nixzaliz Santiago who has six kids by three different fathers and an illegal alien husband with a long history of criminal behavior? The Republicans have it all wrong: the government doesn't need to regulate immigration, but merely to track down anyone in America who has a different last name than their children and force them into a lifetime of servitude digging a 50 foot deep ditch around the country. Two birds, one stone.

I'd write more, but I have to celebrate the upcoming Martin Luther King day with the adding of Scotch to ice.