Skip to main content

Shorter Of Breath And One Day Closer To Death

Just a quick shout out to the following people celebrating their birthday today, or, owing to the fact that they may be dead, are having people celebrate it for them:

Percy Bysshe Shelley: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!

Louis Armstrong: Satchmo, baby. I done forgot the words.

Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon (AKA Queen Elizabeth)

Knut Hamsun: When good befalls a man he calls it Providence, when evil, fate.

Richard Belzer: You know, Det. John Munch from SVU!

Hon. Alberto R. Gonzales: I bet more people know who John Munch is.

Roger "The Rocket" Clemens: 341-172 W-L record, 4502 Strikeouts, Lifetime ERA 3.12

Billy Bob Thornton: Not funny 'ha-ha', funny queer.

And of course, Yours Truly: Raconteur, Blackguard, Iconoclast. Lifetime ERA 3.99

In Lieu of cards, socks, and Precious Moments Figurines, please send cash.

If anyone would like to join in the festivities, I'll be at Croxley Ales in Rockville Center downing a few single malts.

Slainte!

Comments

Moni said…
Vaaaaal! It's your birthday and me without my customary birthday poem to offer?

Well, Happy Birthday to you deary!

I would send cash, but since I have none you'll just have to settle for gushy sentiment.

You'd feel funny if I waltzed into Croxley Ales...Ha!

Popular posts from this blog

Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol - An Amazon Review

Even though I haven't been updating this blog in, oh, two years, I figured I'd sign in and add this review I did for Dan Brown's latest "epic" novel, The Lost Symbol. I've actually read every book by Mr. Brown, simply because I, as a writer, wanted to get a glimpse inside the mind of a man who managed to sell 80 million copies of a book which, quite frankly, wasn't very good. I'm talking about The Da Vinci Code, which, despite being the furthest thing from "literature," was somewhat entertaining. So I downloaded the rest of his catalog and read them over the course of a few days. When I finished, I raised my hands in absolute puzzlement, and exclaimed, "Eh?" Quite simply, Brown is probably the richest, least talented author working today for reasons I cannot fathom. He, much like writer Dean Koontz, director Michael Bay, and rock band Nickelback, has simply released the exact same work over and over again, changing only the ti...

The Tenth Crusade

In case you've been living with your head under the pillows, the past week or so has seen what this humble writer is declaring to be the end of Western Civilization as we know it. Cartoons published five months ago depicting the "prophet" Mohammed wearing a bomb as a turban has incited bloody, destructive riots throughout the civilized world by some very uncivlilzed people. "Islam is peaceful," the protestors claim, "and if you don't believe us, we'll burn down your cities." I'm already having the T-shirts made... Anyone with a keyboard and internet access has already commented on the atrocities of the Muslim world, and I see no reason to beat a dead camel with my own pontifications. Suffice it to say that 175 million people practice the "religion" of Islam, and those 175 million are the direct cause of the slow collapse of the last vestiges of the complex European empire. As birth rates in Europe continue to level out and even f...

Reason # 1147 To Enroll Your Kids In Private School

Here's a brief story I'd like to relate while it's still fresh in my mind; typically, my articles are 3-4 pages, and quite frankly, it's far too hot to create such a magnum opus tonight. So, I offer you an ultra-condensed version of a disturbing event which took place this past Friday. Actually, to set the stage, we have to go back to the previous Friday, when the Superintendent of our District happened to be visiting our school. To explain why he was there, I'd have to go over the one-page cap I've set for myself for this article, so suffice it to say that he was trying to do in late May what he should have been doing all year long – namely, his job. While he is visiting, a student decides it would be a real hoot to throw a glass bottle out of a third-floor classroom window. And since the universe is not without a sense of humor, the bottle travels along a trajectory which terminates at the windshield of a brand-new car parked on the street outside. A car t...