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Keep the change, please

So I got a Facebook message at 5 in the morning from my friend in Norway who wanted to be the first to tell me that The Anointed One, Barack Hussein Obama, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. My first thought, much like every other intelligent person around the globe was, "Why?" I mean, I'm pretty familiar with Mr. Obama - skinny dude, uses the word "change" a lot - I just didn't know that he had accomplished anything in the "world peace" department. Not as much as, say Al Gore or Jimmy Carter or Yasser Arafat. So I did a little research and was shocked to discover that all it takes to win a Nobel Prize is to have a "vision!" Imagine that! I mean, that's precisely the reason why Mr. Obama was awarded the Prize - for having a "vision of and work for a world without nuclear weapons." Amazing. The press release didn't list any actual "work" that he did, other than a speech given in Prague a couple of months ago where he told us all how "dangerous" nuclear weapons are.

Well, hell, my dad always told me how dangerous fireworks were, but I don't remember him getting any Nobel Prize. Maybe it slipped my mind. I'll have to ask him about it; it’s probably in his sock drawer or something.

The Nobel Committee press release goes on to say, "Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future," Those are pretty strong words for a man that was nominated for the award only 12 days into his Presidency. But it’s not like the Nobel Committee has ever come across a “rarity” like Obama before. Oh, right. Gandhi. Yeah. He was nominated 5 separate times but never ended up receiving the award. Maybe he didn’t have any “visions.”

Further in the press release, the Committee says that Obama’s award was granted “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people.” Except for Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel. And Tenzin Gyatso, the Dalai Lama (and past authentic Nobel Laureate). And Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons. And Chris Wallace. Extraordinary!

But they're 100% correct. No person has deserved this award more. An insignificant, meaningless award given to charlatans, murderers, and publicity hounds. Enjoy it, Mr. Obama; you've earned it. You've conned the world into thinking you're the second coming of the Messiah with your silver tongue and ill-fitting suits. Me, I'm going to go have a few scotches and have a "vision"of writing the world’s greatest novel. Given the state of mind over there in Oslo, I expect to be receiving the Nobel Prize for Literature within 12 days…

Comments

Anonymous said…
haha a great blog post. You sir are the greatest blogger that has ever lived, that amazon review about Dan Brown's book is the biggest win ever :D
Jessica said…
THANK YOU!
I said EXACTLY the same thing to my boyfriend, who is probably the biggest Obama fan around, and all he could do was argue with me saying that the President has done a lot of great things around the world and bla bla bla.
But all he had to do to win was to have a "vision". Interesting.
Maybe every person who visits African and Middle Eastern countries doing good deeds and trying to help its people should win Nobel prizes as well but I don't see that happening any time soon.

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