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Celebrate Cinco De Mayo By Going Home!

For all those out there who are marching, protesting, and otherwise creating a public nuisance in NY, LA, and various other cities across America, and are not currently of Hispanic heritage (I realize that immigrants come from all countries, but Hispanics make up the largest percentage), let me attempt to crush some of the pervasive myths and arguments surrounding the current immigration debate:

Argument #1: “America is a country of immigrants.”

This is by far the lamest and most insidious argument from the pro-immigration front. By appealing to less-educated people’s emotional (read: not logical) state of mind, this argument attempts to curry favor by ignoring history. Sure, America was built and developed my immigrants, but NOT ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. The immigrants of the early 20th Century, you know, the ones who transformed this country from a dismal swampland of savages, abandoned their home countries with the dream of taking advantage of every opportunity The United States had to offer. They flooded the shores, luggage in hand, and waited on lines for processing, immunization, and citizenship testing. They didn’t hide like cockroaches in the back of a panel truck as it zipped across the border or wade through the Rio Grande under the cover of darkness. The people who made America great came here legally.

I heard Ron Kuby say today on his morning show that the Mayflower crew and other English colonists came to America illegally, too. Although I consider Mr. Kuby to be a despicable anti-American communist who defends murderers, gang members and terrorists for a living, I thought him to be better educated than that. When the so-called Pilgrims came to America in 1620, it was an untamed wilderness populated by roving bands of buffalo hunters. There were no cities, industry, or, above all, laws, (tribal customs notwithstanding). There was no question of legality with the English colonists, as there was no existing government in place to pass immigration laws.

Finally, to all those who are under the impression that immigration is part of the historical fabric of America, let me remind their selective consciousnesses that, historically, America’s streets paved with gold are tainted with the miasma of child labor, discriminatory voting laws, Prohibition, slavery, segregation, monopolies and the Clinton Administration. We’ve learned our collective lessons, and do not live in the past.

Argument #2: “Immigrants contribute to the economy of America.”

Easy rebuttal on that one. Sure, they buy iPods and Applebee’s steak dinners, but they also are a drain on our country’s finite resources. From energy to healthcare, illegal immigrants tap the waters of America’s pool, but do not contribute to it in the form of either taxes or Social Security. I don’t remember where exactly I read this, but in 1950, for every retired person in America, there were 30 workers paying into Social Security. In 20 years, there will be 3. That’s right, 3 workers for every retired person. Thank you Baby Boomers. The Census Bureau estimates that 8-9 million Americans are illegal immigrants (the actual number probably being about 2-5 million higher). Forcing illegal immigrants to pay taxes will go a long way towards Social Security solvency.

Furthermore, if those 9 million illegals would simply disappear, the economy of the United States would not falter one penny. The money that they typically spend on consumer goods would merely be offset by the fact that schools, hospitals, and other resources would no longer have to support a segment of the population that does not contribute to the tax base. As for employment, see Argument #3 below.

Argument #3: “Illegal immigrants do the jobs that Americans don’t want to do.”

Utter nonsense. Logically, if there were no illegal immigrants, these jobs would naturally get done, anyway. What, will our toilets go uncleaned or our lawns unmowed? No, we’ll do it ourselves as we have done for centuries. There’s a smattering of truth in every lie, however, and I blame this one on the 1970’s. This was the decade wherein the American educational system decided that hardcore math, science and literature was causing stupid kids to fail, and instead of modeling our schools after the far more successful European approach (where intelligent children are tracked towards demanding careers by issuing rigorous educational standards while the not-so-smart kids are given vocational training), the powers that be decided to hop on the Self Esteem Engine and take our country on a rollicking ride towards Failureville.

Couple the Progressive Education Movement with Affirmative Action, and you’re left with an American student population who is not only misguided enough to think that they are somehow entitled to success, but simultaneously are too stupid to read the preceding paragraph.

So, in the absence of technical training, and with a faltering educational system, plus an undeserved sense of entitlement we are presented with an undereducated populace who farms out technical jobs to foreigners and believes that physical labor is beneath them. Or, to put it another way, too many bench coaches, not enough utility infielders. And who is there to take up the slack? Certainly not the impoverished class. They’re too busy raking in the welfare. According to the Joint Center for Poverty Research, there were close to 3 million families on welfare as of 1998. (I know, pretty old statistics. Sue me. Every other report I read states that the AFDC sends out checks to 4.4 million familes, 90% of them being single mothers). By the way, 17%, or 756,000, of all welfare recipients are Hispanic.

Back to the point. Let’s say that we have, conservatively, 10 million illegal immigrants “doing jobs that Americans don’t want to do.” Gardening, dishwashing, maid service, jobs that would force Americans to lay off the $5 mocha lattes. If we get eliminate that number from our population, we open up millions of jobs to Americans who are too busy waiting for a check and pumping out babies. Notice that my statistics say 4.4 million families. I’d venture to say, just by means of observation, that those single parent families are not single child as well. If every one of those families has two children, then in 20 years, 9 million impoverished people will enter the workforce, thereby eliminating the need for immigrants altogether.

“But Valannin, you can’t just cut off single mothers! They’re relying on that check to survive!”

Well, you know what, I just solved the immigration problem; one economic issue at a time, please.

I apologize for the length and dryness of this article, but some things need to be said and cleared up. Speaking of which, let me make another thing perfectly clear: I consider the singing of the American National Anthem in Spanish as treason and tantamount to a declaration of war. We gave you the SAP button, and that’s all you’re getting. ¿Usted entiende? Good.


Moni said…
I would agree with you whole-heartedly if it weren't for the fact that you called my ancestors savages. When the Europeans came to the new world I beleive it was Pochahontas of the Powhatan tribe that saved John Smith's ass from the savages. Hmmm? As far the dismal swamp thing goes, you must have been thinking of the settlement in Florida, then that would be the Seminole tribe.

Oh come on now! You know the way it goes, the White Man comes to the land of majestic mountains, first-off friendly natives, and untapped resources, then proceeds to plunder, pillage and spread pox all over the place. I'm suprised Val, you use such fancy words and write so well and can't get your history straight?! ;p

Back to the post--can't say much on man, spot on!
Moni said…
Okay you know what? I'm going to stop posting on your blog. You never respond. Maybe I'm stupid for being the only one who responds. Maybe you don't want me to.

You're a very talented writer. I've enjoyed reading. ((hugs)) Bye.

Valannin said…
Nah, no one is stupid here...I just thought I'd just left the articles speak for themselves and not write anything responding to comments.

I didn't realize that my absence would fill people with those -whachmacallit? - feelings...
Moni said…
Vaaaal, when are going to write something new? I'm waiting...

Jenni said…
Ahhh.. I miss your blogs.. I caught myself up by reading the ones I have missed the past few months. Good work once again. Cheers for summer vaca.
Valannin said…
New pointless ranting coming soon...don't wet yourself with giddy anticipation
Moni said…
Now you tell me, I've already bought some "Depends."

Good to know you drop off the face of the earth. ;)
Moni said…
didn't...DIDN'T drop off the face of the earth. ;p

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