Department of Redundancy Department

Forgive me, but this may just be the greatest straight set-up line in the history of the written word:

Chinese Couples Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Each Other

Ah, now for the punchline...

...ah screw it, if you can't see what's so "wet your pants" funny about this one, you're just as doomed at the rest of the world.

It appears as though your machinations have begun, Mr. Khrushchev. You can put the shoe down now...

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Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol - An Amazon Review

Even though I haven't been updating this blog in, oh, two years, I figured I'd sign in and add this review I did for Dan Brown's latest "epic" novel, The Lost Symbol. I've actually read every book by Mr. Brown, simply because I, as a writer, wanted to get a glimpse inside the mind of a man who managed to sell 80 million copies of a book which, quite frankly, wasn't very good. I'm talking about The Da Vinci Code, which, despite being the furthest thing from "literature," was somewhat entertaining. So I downloaded the rest of his catalog and read them over the course of a few days. When I finished, I raised my hands in absolute puzzlement, and exclaimed, "Eh?" Quite simply, Brown is probably the richest, least talented author working today for reasons I cannot fathom. He, much like writer Dean Koontz, director Michael Bay, and rock band Nickelback, has simply released the exact same work over and over again, changing only the ti...

Spotlight on: Anonymous Abu Ali Al-Muhammad Ibn Al-Rahman

The intent of starting this series of alcohol-fueled diatribes was to initiate some intellectual discussion, and for the most part, I've received those in the form of one-line comments ("you suck" or "you're a nutjob") or emails suggesting that I perform a reverse bowel movement with my keyboard. However, the one-man-furor over a recent post (resuting in 15 or so anonymous comments) has prompted me to respond with this article, rather than keep expanding the comment thread. If you'd like to read the entire exchange, point your clicky thingy here . In any case, here's my response to Mr. Anonymous (if that is in fact his real name) concerning the "achievements" of the Muslim world in both a modern and historical context: "What I find most interesting, despite your obvious verbosity, and penchant for intelligent discourse, is that you keep refering to these ancient scientists as "Arabic". If we are to use your terms, then yes, ...

The Tenth Crusade

In case you've been living with your head under the pillows, the past week or so has seen what this humble writer is declaring to be the end of Western Civilization as we know it. Cartoons published five months ago depicting the "prophet" Mohammed wearing a bomb as a turban has incited bloody, destructive riots throughout the civilized world by some very uncivlilzed people. "Islam is peaceful," the protestors claim, "and if you don't believe us, we'll burn down your cities." I'm already having the T-shirts made... Anyone with a keyboard and internet access has already commented on the atrocities of the Muslim world, and I see no reason to beat a dead camel with my own pontifications. Suffice it to say that 175 million people practice the "religion" of Islam, and those 175 million are the direct cause of the slow collapse of the last vestiges of the complex European empire. As birth rates in Europe continue to level out and even f...

The Pantheon Outcast

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