Spotlight on: Anonymous Abu Ali Al-Muhammad Ibn Al-Rahman

The intent of starting this series of alcohol-fueled diatribes was to initiate some intellectual discussion, and for the most part, I've received those in the form of one-line comments ("you suck" or "you're a nutjob") or emails suggesting that I perform a reverse bowel movement with my keyboard.

However, the one-man-furor over a recent post (resuting in 15 or so anonymous comments) has prompted me to respond with this article, rather than keep expanding the comment thread. If you'd like to read the entire exchange, point your clicky thingy here.

In any case, here's my response to Mr. Anonymous (if that is in fact his real name) concerning the "achievements" of the Muslim world in both a modern and historical context:

"What I find most interesting, despite your obvious verbosity, and penchant for intelligent discourse, is that you keep refering to these ancient scientists as "Arabic". If we are to use your terms, then yes, I must concede many points, as there were many scientists and thinkers working in the Arab world. "Arab" of course, does not mean "Muslim" per se; Albategnius, for instance, was considered to be a Sabian, a sect devoted to studying astrology. And even if you think I'm reaching on that one, the Muslim religion of the year 800 is not the Muslim religion of the year 2006. It's like the move of the Brooklyn Dodgers to LA - same name, but in no way the same team.

But notwithstanding the fact that you seem to be using the same webpage for all of your references, one that smacks suspiciously of propoganda, (I won't even mention the page that asserts that Muslims from Spain had sailed to the Americas 500 years before Columbus, despite the fact that there is absolutely no physical evidence for such a claim other than geographical names which share a tenuous coincidence), let's assume for a second that you are correct, that whatever 101-level history course you've taken (apparently at Hofstra University) has succeeded in modern liberal academia's universal goal of discrediting Western achievment with the elevation of alternate theories of history on the back of that odious beast, "Multiculturalism." The fact remains that modern Islam (for this argument's sake, we'll say modern is any time after the European Renaissance) has done absolutely nothing to advance either itself, or the rest of the world (which, if you remember correctly, was my original point). Your education, and in some cases rightfully so, and in some cases out of sheer desparation, has made it a point of highlighting ancient Islamic scientists, perhaps at the expense of ancient western scientists. And if you'd like, I can make the same spurious argument that if it wasn't for Greek and Roman mathematicians, there would be nothing for the Muslim scientists to attempt to "correct." You say tomato, I say Konstantin Tsiolkovsky.

You say that Islamic anger is the result of a myriad events - The fall of the Ottomans, OPEC, etc, etc - and yet its anger seems directed towards Europeans who print humorous caricatures in their local paper. The University-educated crowd can sit around all day long with their Starbucks and iPods and attempt to discern the historical reasons behind the backlash, many of which may be credible. However the people burning flags and lobbing Molotov cocktails at embassy buildings don't have the same frame of reference as the "educated folk." To them, a great atrocity has been committed against their most sanctified icon, and now they must destroy his defilers with any means neccessary. Not because they have extensively studied the root causes behind their culture's frustration, but because a handful of psychopaths masquerading as "holy men" are fanning their fires (forgive the pun) with Fatwahs and Jihads and using other such superstitious nonsense from a 1400 year old book to justify their violence. Muslim scholarship is gone, regardless in the capacity in which it may have once existed, and has been replaced in the past 800 hundred years by a mutation of its former self.

You may claim that you are not apologizing for Muslim violence, but your historic rationalizations will make you a liability in this war. When the fires are burning through the streets of your hometown, will you stop and discuss the achievments of Avicenna a millenium ago with the rampaging horde, or will you defend the culture that has given you the voice with which you speak, the technology with which you express it, and the freedoms permitting you to open your mouth in the first place?"

Wow, I can almost see the flag rippling in the background as I read that last bit back to myself...

"Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future."

--John F. Kennedy

(And that's the one and only time you'll ever see a quote from that overrated prettyboy. I blame him for all this "diversity" mumbo-jumbo.)

Department of Redundancy Department

Forgive me, but this may just be the greatest straight set-up line in the history of the written word:

Chinese Couples Get Plastic Surgery To Look Like Each Other

Ah, now for the punchline...

...ah screw it, if you can't see what's so "wet your pants" funny about this one, you're just as doomed at the rest of the world.

It appears as though your machinations have begun, Mr. Khrushchev. You can put the shoe down now...

The Tenth Crusade

In case you've been living with your head under the pillows, the past week or so has seen what this humble writer is declaring to be the end of Western Civilization as we know it. Cartoons published five months ago depicting the "prophet" Mohammed wearing a bomb as a turban has incited bloody, destructive riots throughout the civilized world by some very uncivlilzed people. "Islam is peaceful," the protestors claim, "and if you don't believe us, we'll burn down your cities."

I'm already having the T-shirts made...

Anyone with a keyboard and internet access has already commented on the atrocities of the Muslim world, and I see no reason to beat a dead camel with my own pontifications. Suffice it to say that 175 million people practice the "religion" of Islam, and those 175 million are the direct cause of the slow collapse of the last vestiges of the complex European empire. As birth rates in Europe continue to level out and even fall, the population of France, Germany, Scandinavia is quickly being overwhelmed by the vast numbers of Muslim immigrants -- people who have no intent on assimilation into the European culture, but rather hell-bent on conquest.

By 1291, Antioch, Tripoli, Acre and Jerusalem had fallen to the Muslims despite hundreds of years and thousands of European lives given to their defense. Spain had already been conquered in 719 after an eight year campaign by the Moors, and remained under Sharia control for 700 years. Palestine, nothing more than a disputed area with no firm government, gave rise to 60 years of terror and violence after the 1947 UN Partition Plan.

Why this bass-ackward history lesson? Primarily to underscore the fact that since its inception in the 7th century, Islam has done absolutely nothing for the greater good of humanity except to attempt (and succeed) at conquering land for the sole purpose of spreading its misguided dogma through fear and intimidation.

I can hear you now: "Valannin, so did the Gauls, the Romans, the English. They are all guilty of imperialism and slavery, and even genocide." Point conceded. But look what the years of Romans and the European occupation has contributed to the world: Philosophy, Mathematics, Astronomy, Civil Engineering, Viniculture, Music, Sculpture, Democracy, Medicine, Literature, Industrialization, Nuclear Power, the Decoding of the Human Genome, the freakin' IPod.

And what has the Islamic world brought to the table?

Nothing. Except a continued espousal of a violent, intolerant religion.

Go ahead, name five things that the Islamic world has done for either planet Earth at large or even for their own people. You can't. There are no standouts. For every Ibn Sina, El Zahrawi, and Thabit Ibn Qurra, there are dozens of Euclids, Pythagoreans, DaVincis, Michelangelos, and Beethovens. In spite of the fall of glorious Rome under the Christians (thanks a lot, Constantine), Europe flourished as the world's beating heart of culture, scientific advancement, and discovery. London, Paris, Rome, St. Petersburg, Oslo, Amsterdam, New York -- all shining examples of the European ideal of progress.

And the Islamic world? Oceans of sand dotted with houses of indoctrinization. Where are the Universities, the libraries, the research institutes? Has the Arab world cured polio, put a man on the moon, minaturized the capacitor? No, they build mosque after mosque and dedicate their existance to oppressing women and burning the American flag. Millions of Muslims live in abject poverty, ruled by indifferent Sultans who spend their time constructing luxury palaces and funding groups whose sole purpose is to decimate the rest of the civilixed world.

This is not the beginning of the end, Ladies and Gentlemen. That dubious honor goes to the very day in 610 when an illiterate, dusty street merchant crawled out of a cave and claimed he spoke to an angel.

And if you don't believe that Islam is founded on violence, consider this: In the year 624, angry that his new religion was not being respected by the local potentates, Muhammad led 300 Muslim warriors on a bloody raid on a Meccan caravan at Badr, slaughtering 70 non-Muslim Arabs and throwing their bodies in the town's well. Muhammad's Quran speaks of the battle thusly:

"Yea, - if ye remain firm, and act aright, even if the enemy should rush here on you in hot haste, Allah would help you with five thousand angels making a terrific onslaught."

Peace, indeed.